Panel 1 Speakers

Leslie Bennetts is an acclaimed journalist, a contributing editor for Vanity Fair magazine and author of a controversial new book, “The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving up too Much?” In it, Leslie highlights the many pitfalls that potentially face women that sacrifice employment and career to become full-time mothers. This has sparked a heated by timely discussion on the consequences of choices women make in order to balance home and work.

In the first panel, Leslie put forward her views that women give up too much when they opt out of work. She was referring to the current back-to-home trend being observed in the United States among women at all socio-economic levels. This is also a phenomenon being seen in many other countries.

She found that women tend to feel overwhelmed by the conflict between work and the needs of a young family. In addition, there are the powerful myths of motherhood that make it appealing to give up work to be stay-at-home mothers. Women tend to unquestioningly view their decision not to work, as a lifestyle choice. Yet with extended life expectancy, opting out of work for the sake of taking care of children will have unfortunate consequences for them in later years.

Women fail to acknowledge many of the risks of giving up financial independence. Women are vulnerable to poverty in the event of the loss of the sole breadwinner, either through divorce or death. The loss of income impacts their immediate and long term well-being. In addition, women who have opted out and want to opt in again encounter various barriers such as ageism, sexism, and bias against women who take time out.

Few women can opt back in without loss of income. This has been estimated as a 40 percent loss of earning power. Citing findings from 50 years of research comparing children of stay-at-home mothers with those of working mothers, Leslie pointed out that there is no evidence that children with stay-at-home mothers ‘turn out better’ than the children of mothers that work. In fact, the findings suggest that having a life outside the home is good for working mothers. These women are found to be happier and healthier, they feel in control of their own lives, and they have financial security and social networks. The ability to pursue their ambitions or passions often translates into an increased standard of living and the ability to offer their children better educational opportunities.

Stay-at-home mothers are relatively happy when their children are young. However, they face anxiety and social and economic disenfranchisement when their children grow up and become more independent. They also discover that doors are closed to them as they attempt to rejoin the workplace. From her own experience, she has found that work and love are two essential components of a healthy adult life. She encouraged women to take the long view and plan for the period in their lives beyond the first 15 years of their children’s lives where they will have more time for their own aspirations. Society has changed and in this day and age, it is a reasonable expectation that men and women equally share both breadwinning and child-rearing responsibilities.

LESLIE BENNETTS .. .On taking a long view
” Older women find it important to tell younger women about the need to have a long view. You may not be able to have it all at the same time. One of the women I interviewed spoke of sequential living. You may have to compromise or make trade offs when your children are young, but it becomes possible to focus on work and other interests when children are older and more independent”.