In this continuation of my interview, Leslie discusses the controversy and uproar from stay-at-home moms.

by Samantha Ettus

Samantha: I have a friend who has a baby and a successful business career and she says that if her husband were making enough money she would quit tomorrow. What would you encourage her to think about before making that decision?

Leslie: Women often think about this decision as if they can count on the husband’s income over the long run. If you add up all the risk factors it becomes unavoidably clear that the majority of these women are going to end up on the wrong side of the odds. Half of them are going to get divorced and in addition to that some of them will have husbands who become sick or disabled or who die prematurely and a lot of them are going to have husbands who lose their jobs at some point or another. Women are living longer and longer these days so these women who are leaving the workforce have to say if something happened to my husband even through no fault of his own do you have enough resources to support you and your children until you are 95? Almost nobody has that kind of money. Women are already in poverty at twice the rate of men in their later years. 4 out of 5 of the women who are poor were not poor when they had husbands around.

Samantha: What positive effect is there for husbands when their wives work?

Leslie: It is a lot of pressure to put on men to expect them to be the single source of income for a family and many men feel very resentful. They may not tell their wives about it but it feels like a very overwhelming responsibility to them to know that they are all that stands between their families and disaster. Because it is a very uncertain world out there and if you stick your head in the sand and deny that challenges might arise it is not going to help you to deal with them when they come.

Samantha: Did you have any mentors throughout your career?

Leslie: What I had was a powerful role model in my mother. My mother always worked but I always felt that her family came first and I don’t know how she did it because she didn’t have any household help. She was ahead of her time in believing in good nutrition and home cooking and we had a very close secure family life so growing up it never occurred to me to question whether you could do both.

Samantha: Have there been any surprising fans or foes of the book?

Leslie: There has been such an uproar from a lot of stay-at-home mothers who are really angry about this book. All I was trying to do was to provide women with one-stop shopping, with all of the information that would be helpful in considering these serious issues, everything from legal and medical information to child development studies to labor force information but what I am finding is that this is such a hot button issue that a lot of stay at home moms are furious at the suggestion that they may be making a choice that will jeopardize their futures.

Samantha: In many ways don’t you feel having the controversy is good?

Leslie: I hope so. I appeared on the Today Show early this week and they have not had an avalanche of such negative response since Tom Cruise criticized Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants for post-partum depression and all of the response was along the lines of a personal attack. All of these women wrote in and said Leslie Bennetts is obviously divorced and childless and bitter and lonely and it is very clear that her husband dumped her or she wouldn’t be saying these things. I have been married for nearly 20 years. My husband is a very lovely supportive man and I have two children.

Samantha: Have you faced more criticism because you worked from home which is thought of as an idyllic work setup?

Leslie: I think that people say, “Well you don’t know what it is like being a working mother” but that is not really true because we all suffer the same pain when we have to walk out the door for whatever reason and we have a two year old hanging on to our knees saying “Mommy don’t go.” My job was idyllic in some ways in that I was in the house a lot but then I would get a call to be on a plane for Nairobi or Dubai the next day and I would have to go. It is never easy — the juggling and coping with emergencies that every working mother has to do.

Of all the industrialized Western nations the United States has the least family friendly policies in place. The other countries put us to shame and we need to start asserting the needs of our families in a more effective way in order for things to begin to change in a direction that will serve both men and women as well as our children.

Samantha: Your daughter is off to college in September, what will you do with your new time?

Leslie: I still have one child at home so I think things don’t change that much. I do notice that since my kids have become teenagers I have more time just because I am more independent. It is not a coincidence that although I have been earning my living as a writer for more than 30 years I have not until now written a book.

Samantha: If you had an extra hour each day how would you spend it?

Leslie: Oh my God. If I won the lottery I would spend it getting a massage. But until I win the lottery, how would I spend it? Probably just hanging out with my kids.